


When the party's over

by Happy_Smiling_Things



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Drama, Elriel, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Nessian - Freeform, Past Violence, Threats of Violence, feysand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 19:57:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19363279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Smiling_Things/pseuds/Happy_Smiling_Things
Summary: Nesta and Cassian have known each other since high school, and there’s always been this mysterious attraction between the two of them, but Nesta isn’t ready to accept it for multiple reasons. As time goes by, the attraction between them becomes stronger, and it’s becoming harder and harder for Nesta to reject Cassian, even more when he’s being all she truly wants.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapters fanfiction here, and the idea popped out of nowhere in my head. Let’s hope you’ll enjoy it!

“Come on ladies, the party’s waiting!”

Nesta let out a sigh hearing her sister’s friend. It was saturday night, she had had a big day at the library, and the last thing she wanted to do was to go out.

And yet here she was, standing in front of the mirror in a black dress and high heels, her hair up, ready to go.

“Wow Nesta, you’re absolutely stunning,” smiled Feyre as she walked out of her room, looking through the open door at her sister.

“A bit too dark in my view, but classy.”

“Come on Mor…”

“What?” Retaliated the blonde girl from the bathroom while checking her make up. “She’s beautiful, but I’m sure a bit of red would suit her perfectly.”

“Red is your color, stop trying to make everyone wear it.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Nesta walked in the room to wash her hands, not paying attention to whatever Feyre and her annoying friend were talking about. She still was trying to understand how she had agree to come with them anyway…

“Is Elain ready? I haven’t seen her yet.”

“Maybe it’s because you two were too busy with the color of your nails and lipsticks,” said Nesta before leaving, ignoring Mor’s huff.

Walking down the corridor to Elain’s door, she knocked gently, waiting for her sister’s answer to enter.

“We’re about to leave, are you…”

Nesta let the end of her sentence disappear with her breath at the sight of her sister. Here she was, quietly taking care of her plants, her hair up in a messy bun, not ready at all.

“Feyre told you we were all getting out tonight right?”

“Yes,” she responded, a small smile on her lips.

“Then why aren’t you dressed?”

“I was busy cleaning my room, and I noticed some of my plants were dying from the lack of sun, and I had forgotten to water them yesterday so…”

Unable to contain herself, Nesta smiled softly, crossing her arms against her chest. Only Elain could lost the track of time because of some ficus and cacti.

“It’s okay, Feyre and Mor aren’t finished with their make-up, so you have some time to get ready.”

“Do you know who’s going to be there?”

“No, Feyre didn’t told me. Have someone you’d like to see?”

Elain’s cheeks turned red at her question, and she looked down, nibbling at her lips to suppress her smile. Nesta knew her sister was into someone, and given the time she was out with this man, he most certainly had the same feelings for her, or she hoped.

Deciding to spare her for tonight, she winked at her and opened the door, ready to go out.

“Take the pink dress you just bought, it suits you perfectly,” she said before closing the door, going down to the living room to wait for the girls.

Her sister and her best friend joined her after ten minutes, and Elain didn’t take long after that, so she didn’t stay alone for a lot of time. It was enough to let her breath and prepare herself for the night though, and she went in the car with everyone without a complain, bearing with the girls singing and laughing loudly on their way to the nightclub.

They didn’t have to wait too long in front of the Rita’s until four men and a woman appeared, all nicely dressed.

“Look at you darling, I’m going to be careful tonight,” smiled Rhysand, walking toward Feyre with his hands on his pockets.

“All you have to do is to dance with me, so everyone knows who I’m with.”

Feyre wrapped her arms around her boyfriend’s neck and kissed him, not caring about their friends around as Rhysand pulled her closer.

“Alright guys, let’s go before those two start to make out outside,” said Amren with a disgusted face.

Mor quickly dragged Feyre with her inside, followed by Amren and Varian. Rhysand walked in just after saying hello to Elain with a kiss on the cheek and a wave for Nesta, and Azriel offered her sister an arm to walk, arm that she accepted with a shy smile. Could it be that…

“Hello, Nesta.”

The deep voice made her still, and she took a moment before turning her head toward its source.

“Cassian,” she let out, her back straight.

“It’s nice to see you out for once,” he smiled.

She took a second to watch him, noting the good looking shoes, the dark jeans and the rolled-up sleeve of his shirt, the first buttons of his collar down so she could see a glimpse of his tattoos.

“Well, some of us have a work and can’t be out every night,” she retorted.

As always, her words made him laugh. Whatever she could say to make him draw away would make him laugh, which always made her crazy.

“Of course, putting books on shelves and sitting behind a desk must be tiring.”

“What do you know about working anyway? It’s not like you had one.”

Something shone in his eyes, but before she could see what exactly it disappeared, replaced by that usual seductive smile.

“What I do at night is important you know,” he replied, taking another step toward her.

“Really?”

“Someone has to make the beautiful women of this town dance in this club, and who could do it better than me?”

Nesta huffed and rolled her eyes, but didn’t respond. It always had been like that between them, and surely things would stay that way.

Cassian took one last step, and suddenly he was all around her. She could smell his perfume and feel his breath on her cheeks, and her eyes were glued to his.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered.

All of this was too much for Nesta, she needed to escape this, to escape him.

“And you look decent. I’m surprised you actually took the time to do your hair.”

And just like that, the strange tension between them vanished. Cassian took a step back and let out another laugh, winking at her.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” He then proposed, his hand outstretched.

Nesta tried not to think too much about the warmth of his hand as she took it, and let him guide her into the club. The place was crowded, the music was blasting and the heat was suffocating, everything she hated. Feyre and Rhys were already on the dancefloor, making a show of themselves as always as Amren and Varian were dancing on their corner. The rest of the group was at the bar, drinking and laughing, and Cassian dragged her next to her sister as he ordered them a drink. Mor was trying to convince Azriel to come dance with her, but he kept refusing, side-looking at Elain with a small smile. Nesta carefully watched her sister and was about to say something when Cassian handed her her glass.

“You know what? I give up, I’m gonna go dance on my own. Enjoy your night on your stool!” Shouted the blonde girl as she walked away, winking to her friends.

Azriel raised his glass and laughed, something he wasn’t known to do often, then turned back to Elain, bending over to hear what she was saying. They talked for a while, completely ignoring her and Cassian until Elain took Azriel’s hand and made him stand up.

“Congrats Elain, not even Mor can make him move his ass here!” Smiled Cassian.

Elain laughed as Azriel rolled his eyes, and they both went on the dancefloor, leaving Nesta and Cassian alone.

“I’m pretty sure Az is in love with your sister.”

“I know,” answered Nesta, taking a sip on her glass, “and I’m pretty sure she’s in love too.”

“They look good together. She makes him smile and laugh, it’s not something everyone can do.”

“Elain has a talent for that, she’s a ray of sunshine in a human body.”

“I didn’t know you were a poetess,” Cassian said with a gentle smile.

Nesta glared at him before turning around, looking at the crowd. Mor had find some pretty girl to replace Azriel, Feyre and Rhys were making out in the middle of the room and her other sister had disappeared from her sight, probably hiding with their friend in a corner.

“So, are we gonna stay here the all night?”

“Go if you want to, I don’t need a babysitter,” retaliated Nesta, not even looking his way.

“Come on, have some fun!”

“I’m perfectly fine where I am, go find some girl to have fun with.”

“But I want to have fun with you,” he murmured in her ear, his lips brushing against her skin.

She turned her head to tell him to go away, but stopped, surprised by their closeness. Their noses were practically touching, and those eyes…

“Please, come and dance with me,” he asked again, playing with her fingers.

“Okay, fine,” she sighed, almost regretting her decision as he intertwined their hands to help her off of her stool. “But only for a song.”

“We’ll see about that,” he smirked.

Before she could tell anything else, they were surrounded by people, the lights making her head spin a bit. Cassian started to move in front of her, and she tried her best, but the truth was she wasn’t used to dance, even less in a nightclub. After looking at her with a contained laugh for some time, Cassian stretched out his hand, not touching her until she stepped closer to him, annoyed by her lack of skill.

“Here,” he said, pulling her arms around his neck before placing his hands on her waist.

Things were a bit better like that, with his hands guiding her, helping her to relax and enjoy the moment. She was starting to ease, which made Cassian’s smile widened.

“That’s a good start Ness, now all you have to do is watch Feyre and Rhys and do the same.”

“I’m not going to kiss you,” she shouted, causing the man in front of her to burst out laughing.

“It was worth the try,” he shrugged before making her swirl.

Everything was going just fine, they were both having a good time together, which was rare enough to be noted, when she felt it again. At some point as they were dancing together, Nesta felt that pull, and a glance at Cassian confirmed her he felt it too.

The lights changed in the room as the music changed, changing the atmosphere at the same time. She tightened her grip on his neck as his hands pulled her against him, staying firmly on her sides.

She knew she shouldn’t do it, but it impossible for her to resist. One of her hand moved higher, her fingers tangling in his hair, her lips parting slightly as she felt his hands move on her back, burning her skin with his fingertips.

Cassian moved his face down her neck, and she felt his nose against her skin. The sensation made her jump and she pushed him away, inhaling sharply as she took a step back, avoiding him as he tried to catch her hand.

Moving as fast as she could, she walked to the bar, ordering something, trying to calm herself. She took a deep breath to recompose her mask, not wanting anyone to see her like that. Getting out of breath, lost in a man’s look, letting her guards down… This wasn’t like her, she needed to get a grip on herself as fast as she could.

“Hey, Nesta! Why are you here?”

Closing her eyes for a few seconds, Nesta quietly prayed her sister would soon get grabbed by her boyfriend and disappear again. Unfortunately, Feyre was still here when she opened her eyes, and she had that smile warning Nesta she was up for a few questions.

“I’m enjoying the night, just as you and Rhysand. Why don’t you go back to him anyway?” She answered.

“Stop that, I saw you dancing with Cassian. Who knew my sister could sway her hips that way?”

“It was nothing.”

“It didn’t look like nothing if you want my opinion.”

“Well unfortunately for you I don’t want your opinion, so just leave me alone Feyre,” she replied harshly.

Her sister sighed, a frown on her face. They had had that discussion multiple times, too much times in Nesta’s view, but no matter what she could say, Feyre kept asking questions about him.

“Why do you always have to be like that?”

“Like what?”

“You two have been like that for years now, everyone can see he likes you, his face literally lightens up every time you’re around, and I see the way you act when he’s near you.” Feyre listed, arching a brow.

“This isn’t your business, so stop talking about that.”

Feyre shook her head before ordering a drink. It was the same thing every time: Feyre would insist and talk to her to make her confess anything about Cassian, and she would push her away until she could escape the discussion. But tonight, there was nowhere to run, she was stuck in the club until the rest of the group decide to go home, which wasn’t in their plan for the next hours.

“You know, Cassian is a good man. He would never…”

“Shut your mouth Feyre,” Nesta interrupted, her grip tightening around her glass.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” her sister quickly said, holding her hands up.

They both drank their glass, Feyre smiling at the sight of their friends dancing. Nesta could feel Cassian’s eyes on her back, but he never came closer, and she staid on the same position, not daring to turn around to see him. Her sister talked a bit more with her about everything and nothing, but she couldn’t focus on her words, the feeling of Cassian’s hands on her back and his nose on her neck making her skin tingle.

Noting her lack of focus, Feyre put a hand on her arm, drawing her attention to her face.

“Why don’t you admit that you care about him?” She asked, putting her head on her palm, looking at her sister closely.

Nesta sighed, looking at her empty glass, playing with it between her hands.

“Because, if I don’t care then he can’t hurt me.”


	2. Chapter 2

_“So, are we going to stay here all night?”_  
“Go if you want to, I don’t need a babysitter”, retaliated Nesta, not even looking his way.  
“Come on, have some fun!”  
The music was loud in her ears, but she could hear every word he was saying to her.  
“Please, come and dance with me,” he asked again, playing with her fingers.  
She was feeling his touch with so much intensity, and those eyes…  
“Here,” he said, pulling her arms around his neck before placing his hands on her waist.  
Close, they were so close. She could sense his warmth, the hard muscles under his clothes, and his scent was so intoxicating. His hands were so gentle on her waist, holding her without imprisoning her, letting her move how she wanted, giving her the choice to stay or walk away. Her eyes locked on his full lips, desire rising every second passing.  
He moved his face down her neck, and she felt his nose against her skin. The sensation made her jump and she pushed him away, inhaling sharply as she took a step back, avoiding him as he tried to catch her hand.  
This, dancing with him, getting so close to him, it was too much, she couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t let her guard down like that, she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do that anymore.  
“You know, Cassian is a good man. He would never...” Feyre had told her once she had gotten to the bar.  
Nesta knew that, Cassian had never been anything but respectful toward her. He could be annoying sometimes, but when she’d said no, he’d never pushed her, even if it was just brushing her hand.  
“Why don’t you admit that you care about him?”  
Because if she did, if she let him in, if she let her guard down, what would happen? What if she accepted to trust him enough to open up to him, and it just ended in screams and tears? No, there was no way she would let it happen.  
“Because, if I don’t care then he can’t hurt me.”  
But, wasn’t it too late? Wasn’t she already caring about him?  
Jumping in her bed, Nesta took a sharp breath, feeling her heart beating fast in her chest. Flashes of last night came through her mind as she remembered her dreams, reliving the events.   
Sitting with her back against the head of the bed, she let out a long sigh, putting a hand on her face.  
“Come on Nesta, get yourself back together...” she let out before looking at the alarm clock on her nightstand.  
It was already 11 a.m. She wasn’t used to sleep so late in the morning, but she should’ve seen it coming, considering they’d came back with Elain as the sun was rising. If it had been her, they would’ve been back home sooner, but the other were having fun, and even if Elain wasn’t alone, she didn’t want to leave her here. Who knew what could happen to her?  
Taking her time to clear her mind with a good shower, Nesta tried her best to erase what had happened yesterday from her mind, focusing on today instead. She still had that book she had taken from the library to read, and if the afternoon was warm enough maybe she could go read outside?  
Going downstairs once her hair was perfectly made, she walked to the kitchen, a sweet perfume waking her hunger up.  
“Elain? Are you cooking something?” She called.  
Indeed, Nesta found her baking something when she entered the room, a usual smile on her lips as she was dancing to the music coming from the radio.  
“Good morning,” she greeted her, adding some chocolate to her recipe.  
“Already baking? When did you woke up?”  
“About half an hour ago, I wanted to bake us a cake to go with our tea later.”  
Smiling to her sister, Nesta walked straight to the coffee maker, serving herself before going to the nearest bar stool. Tea was absolutely great, but she wasn’t able to start a day without her cup of black coffee.  
“How comes you’re just waking up?” Asked Elain while pouring her batter in the baking pan.  
“Unlike you or Feyre, I’m not used to spend the night outside,” she sighed.  
Elain’s smile widen at that, and she let out a small laugh before putting her preparation in the oven.   
“Say what you want, but I know you enjoyed the night.”  
“It was ok I guess. But it was more than fine for you and Feyre from what I saw,” answered Nesta, sipping her coffee.  
“Feyre was definitively having a good time with Rhysand.”  
“And you were doing the same with Azriel.”  
Nesta couldn’t help the small smile as Elain blushed furiously, and she crossed her legs, putting her chin on the palm of her hand, ready to play for a bit. It wasn’t that often she would let herself be like that, but with Elain, her walls were unnecessary.   
“We weren’t kissing!”  
“Kissing? How cute is it of you to describe what Feyre was doing with her boyfriend yesterday.”  
“She’s happy with him, and even if you don’t really like him,” Elain added as Nesta opened her mouth, “I think he’s good for her. Especially after Tamlin.”  
The mention of her sister’s ex boyfriend made Nesta stiffen, and her hands clenched around her cup.  
“Anyway,” she responded, “we were talking about you. Seemed like you were quite interested. Are you going to try something with him?”  
“What if I say yes? Are you going to tell me I shouldn’t?”  
“Do you think you shouldn’t?” Replied Nesta, looking at her sister.  
Elain finished the dishes and dried her hands before coming right in front of her sister, her usual smile replaced by a serious expression on her face.  
“Azriel is not like the others. He’s a gentleman,” she answered, rearranging the flowers she had brought two days ago in their vase.  
“Maybe. Either that or he’s good at keeping his dark face hidden.”  
“You know Nesta, not everyone in the world is lying and hiding nasty secrets. Good people still exist, you should trust more.”  
Maybe. Maybe she should. But was she ready to open up one more time and get disappointed, or worse?   
Smiling to her little sister, she took one of Elain’s hand between hers, calming her.  
“You’ve always had a great intuition, so I’m going to trust you. If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”  
Elain’s smile returned as she pecked her cheek and went back to her cake, checking the oven while Nesta was finishing her coffee.  
“Talking about our love life, how’s your going?” Elain asked, a mischievous look in her eyes, “Anyone in sight?”  
“Please, not you too,” sighted Nesta, looking through the window, trying to avoid what was coming.  
“Me too?”  
“Feyre already talked to me last night. I’m single and happy this way. I don’t need a man in my life, and certainly not Cassian...”  
“Cassian? Who talked about Cassian?”  
Elain’s smile widen, and at that time she looked exactly like Feyre, which didn’t announce anything good for Nesta’s nerves.   
“I saw you two dancing yesterday, it was something...”  
Nesta stayed silent, looking through her phone, checking her emails as if her sister hadn’t talk. She already had discussed it with Feyre last night, she wasn’t going to talk about it today too.  
“So you’re just going to stay silent?”  
Nothing.  
“I see, you’re not ready to admit-”  
“There’s nothing to admit Elain,” interrupted Nesta a bit harshly than she intended.  
She cursed at herself mentally as her younger sister looked down, wringing her hands nervously. It was always like that when someone talked to her about Cassian, and she couldn’t control her temper.  
Both of them stayed silent for a while, Elain finishing her things in the kitchen as Nesta fiddled through the mails they had received these days. She sorted the bills, calculating quickly how much she had to pay for this month when Elain approached her.  
“Have you chosen your classes for your last year at university?” She asked, trying to ease the atmosphere.  
“Why do you talk about that now? I still have plenty of time to think about it.”  
“But it’s going to come sooner than you think, so you have to get some information about what are your possibilities.”  
“I know, I know, don’t worry, I’ll check it,” smiled Elain, “Even if I don’t really see why I have to continue...”  
“We’ve already talked about it Elain. Mom wanted us three to get a degree, and it won’t stop you from opening a flower shop after.”  
“But it’s stopping you from pursuing your own dreams.”  
Nesta frowned, looking up from the papers she had scattered on the table to prepare their finances.  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Dad sent a check for the month, but I know it’s far from enough and I know you’re paying half of everything while I’m at school and-”  
“Everything’s perfectly fine, you don’t need to worry about that,” answered Nesta before she could go further.   
Sighing from her sister’s response, Elain stood up, looking at her in the eyes, trying to make her change her mind.  
“It’s not fair that he’s traveling all around the world while you pay for us.”  
“I didn’t even want to accept anything from him in the first place, we don’t need him.”  
“Nesta...”  
“No,” she cut, her eyes burning with contained rage. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but our father is nothing more than some good for nothing. He let us down, he ran away after closing his shop and let us alone. If Feyre hadn’t react we would be homeless now, and no amount of money will never change what he did.”  
Silence fell between the two women, Nesta glaring at the papers in front of her, her back straight, her neck so tensed it was starting to hurt.   
She would never forget that day when she had come back home to find Feyre and Elain in shock, a letter on the table and a bit of cash. She had said nothing, reading the letter, looking at her two sisters then locking herself in her bedroom. She’d stopped eating, spending all her days on her bed, looking through the window as if it would change something about their situation.  
Elain had kept going to school and had came into her room everyday, chatting with her as if everything was fine, as if their father hadn’t abandoned them.   
Feyre had been the one keeping them three afloat, instantly dropping school to work everywhere she could so they had money to pay for everything. She had saved them, and it had been something Nesta had hated her for. She wanted their father to feel ashamed about what he had done, to realize how horrible it was, but somehow he had learned Feyre was working and had sent a letter, telling her he was sorry but couldn’t stand seeing them in such a state of poverty and didn’t think he was worthy of the family he’d been gifted.  
Bullshit.  
Their father had never been anything else than a coward. He’d done nothing for their mother when she’d fallen sick, and he hadn’t even tried to find some work to pay the bills when his shop had closed. Fleeing, it’s all he had ever been good at.  
Nesta barely registered when the front door opened and closed quickly, the sound followed by footsteps going toward Elain and her.  
“Good morning, how are my sisters after that little party?”  
Feyre froze at the threshold, glancing between them, the electric atmosphere falling on her shoulders.  
“What’s going on here?” She finally asked when none of them greeted her.  
“Nothing, we were just talking about university with Elain.”  
“Dad sent another check, but it’s not enough and Nesta won’t let me drop university to get a job so she can start working on her career instead of working at the library,” countered Elain.  
“I’m perfectly fine with my job at the library,” retaliated Nesta.  
Feyre pinched her nose before dropping her bag on the table, leaning against it while crossing her arms.   
“You two need to calm down, right now. Nesta’s right, it’d be ridiculous for you to drop school now, you’ll be done in one year. If we need more money I’ll find a job that pays better than the one I’m doing now, or I’ll even take a second one.”  
Nesta arched a brow and stood up from her bar stool, placing herself between her sisters. Taking a deep breath, she turned her head to Feyre.  
“There’s absolutely no way you’ll be working more than you’re already doing, everything is fine the way it is,” she stated, “You two will go to university, you will get a degree and do whatever you want after. Until then, I’ll be the one working at a job I love, and I’ll pay the bills. That’s it, end of the discussion.”  
“But...”  
“I said that’s it,” she told them both, walking to her room with the mails.  
Slamming the door behind her, she threw the papers on her desk, pacing to soothe the tension and anger she felt from the talk she just had with Elain and Feyre.  
It was the same thing every time they broached the subject, and it always ended up the same way. Her sisters would side together to convince her to let them drop school or work more when they weren’t at university, she’d get angry and they fight until she’d end the topic and leave with a headache.

Fortunately for everyone in Velaris, Nesta found herself in a better mood the next morning as she opened the door to the local library, the sound of her heels echoing down the hall as she approached her desk.  
She loved being the first to enter the library. Everything was silent and peaceful, and she had all these books for herself alone.  
Putting her jacket on her chair and her purse under her desk, she turned on her computer and checked the reservations and books requests, noting everything on a post-it. The shatters were barely all opened when the first people entered, hurrying to take their books at her desk and go out or walking further in the library to find a table to work.  
And as she came back from her first tour of the day with her books trolley, she found a coffee with her name written on it, waiting for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Days started to pass as things calmed down at home. Feyre and Elain stopped talking about taking a job, keeping up with their respective classes, and she kept working at the library. Things were going fine so far, and Nesta had installed herself in some quiet routine.   
Everything was going well for her, until this morning.  
 _“I’m sorry for everything, I shouldn’t have done what I did to you, it was stupid. Give me another chance.”_  
Tomas.  
She’d woken up at 3am when her phone had buzzed on her nightstand and hadn’t slept since, reading the message again and again. She’d wanted to call him and yell at him for his message, for telling her what he’d done was only stupid, as if he’d just made some silly joke. But calling him and screaming at the top of her lungs wouldn’t do anything good, it’d be a waste of time, and she’d already wasted too many hours on him.  
So she’d tried to ignore his message. She’d put her phone down and tried to sleep, in vain.  
That bastard had some freaking nerve to send her a message after everything he’d put her through.  
Tossing and turning until the sun rise, Nesta found herself irritated to say the least when she went downstairs for a coffee. Thankfully for her, Elain and Feyre were still sleeping, so she didn’t get any question about her current state.   
Trying to calm herself before going to the library, she sat on a chair near the open window, taking her notebook, writing her rage down.  
Writing helped. A lot.  
She wrote without stopping, line after line, releasing her anger until she no longer felt controlled by it, and after taking a long breath, she closed her notebook and put it back in her purse, taking a few seconds to enjoy the silence and stillness of the house before packing her things and moving on to work.   
\- - -  
“Did you see who put that coffee on my desk?” Nesta asked, putting down the books on the trolley.  
“I just came back from the first floor, it was there when I arrived, but there was no one.”  
Taking the cup, she sipped from it, enjoying the taste of the black coffee as Emerie kept her eyes on her, a little smile on her face.  
“What is it?”  
“Since when do you find a coffee on your desk?” Emerie asked.  
“Almost three months. I don’t know who does that, but a free coffee is always nice.”  
“Sounds like you’ve got an admirer.”  
Nesta rolled her eyes as she sat down and kept going through her work. More and more students were coming, preparing their finals, and there was a lot to do everyday to keep the place tidy.   
“How was your weekend?”   
“Feyre dragged me out on Saturday,” answered Nesta, keeping her eyes on the screen.  
“Anything interesting happened?”  
“Nothing.”  
Emerie sighed, but didn’t push further. They’d been working together for a few years now, right after Nesta had graduated, and she was one of the few she’d opened up to. Like her, Emerie had known some tough years in her life, and they had become friends quickly.   
Hours passed, and Nesta couldn’t calm down completely. Tomas was still somewhere in the back of her head, his name haunting her thoughts, his message coming up every now and then while she was working. She still was debating with herself either she should call or text him to unleash her rage on him or just ignore him.  
She was still thinking about it as the end of the day arrived.  
“Hey, what about we go to the Sidra to take a drink?” Proposed Emerie as she was closing the door of the library.  
“I don’t know, I’m tired, and...”  
“Oh come on, since when are you too tired for a glass of wine at our bar?”  
Nesta thought about it for a few seconds before nodding. Having a drink wouldn’t hurt today.  
The two women walked to the bar, exchanging a few words about work, Nesta not being completely focused on their conversation.  
“Earth to Nesta.”  
Coming out of her thoughts, Nesta shot her head up, looking at her friend, a glass in her hand.  
“What were you saying?” She asked, pinching her nose to force herself to stay focused on their conversation.  
“I was asking you what’s going on, because there’s clearly something wrong.”  
“It’s nothing I can’t handle myself.”  
“Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to,” countered Emerie.  
Nesta gave her a look before finishing her drink in one take, sighing as her friend staid with her eyes on her, expecting her to speak.  
“It’s Tomas,” she simply replied, looking at the Sidra.  
Emerie’s back straightened at that, and she clenched her jaw. Nesta took a few seconds before looking back at her.  
“What does he want?”  
“Another chance. He texted me in the middle of the night, asking me for forgiveness and a new start.”  
“Please tell me you didn’t answer.”  
“Who do you think I am? Of course I didn’t respond.”  
“But you thought about doing so.”  
Letting herself go against her chair, Nesta played with her glass, keeping her mouth shut.  
“I considered calling him yes,” she admitted.  
“Nesta, he’s not worth your time, especially after everything he did to you...”  
“I perfectly know that,” she cut sharply, “I wanted to scream at him, to make sure he wouldn’t talk to me ever. But like you said, he’s not worth my time.”  
“You should go to the police, I mean he’s dangerous.”  
“No,” Nesta stated firmly, her eyes turning darker as the conversation kept going on.  
“I still don’t understand why you never denounced him.”  
“It’s my choice, and I want you to respect it. Now can we talk about something else?”  
Offering a small smile, Emerie nodded. Nesta loved their friendship, and she’d opened up to Emerie precisely because she didn’t kept her mouth shut. She said what she thought, and it was refreshing, but sometimes, especially when the name of Tomas appeared in their conversations, things could escalate quickly.   
“So...” Emerie started with a mischievous smile.  
“So?”  
“You said you were out clubbing this weekend?”  
“I did, thanks to my wonderful sister.”  
“How was it?”  
“It was ok, I guess. I’m not used to go out and dance as you know.”  
Something in the way Emerie was playing with her glass made Nesta tense. She could feel the questions come, the same everyone were asking her since that night.  
“So you, Nesta Archeron, danced? The only time I heard about such a miracle was because of… what’s his name?”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t need anyone to dance. If I want to do so, I can, and I can do this on my own,” replied Nesta, crossing her legs, half turned toward the street.  
“But the thing is you never dance, unless he’s around. Cassian, is that right?”  
“It’s the only way to make him shut his mouth.”  
“I’m pretty sure you could silence him by other means,” laughed Emerie.  
“You don’t know him, he’s infuriating and stubborn, and...”  
“Handsome, with a killer smile and dark eyes you can’t resist.”  
“How would you know that? You never saw him,” asked Nesta, frowning at the description.  
“I may have talked with Feyre, who showed me some pictures.”  
“What kind of pictures?”  
“The kind you wouldn’t like me to see,” smiled her friend, bringing her glass to her lips.  
“I swear she’s going to pay for that.”

\- - -

“Come on, five more and you’re done for today!”  
Punching with full strength, Cassian gave is all. Staying focused, he threw punches one after the other, blocking his coach’s blows.   
As soon as the alarm rang through the training room he took a step away, catching his breath with a smile on his face.  
“It wasn’t bad,” laughed the coach as he approached, taking his protections off.  
“Not bad? I kicked your ass three times today.”  
“On your best days you throw me on the ground five times, so not bad.”  
Cassian let out a laugh before waving at his friend, walking to the showers. Looking at his phone as he passed the door of his training room, he sent a message to Az and climbed in his car, taking the road to his friend’s apartment. It’s didn’t take long for him to arrive, and after knocking, he opened the door for himself, a smile on his face.  
“I hope you have some coffee ready for me, and something to eat, because I’m thirsty and starving!”  
Putting his bag on the couch, he walked to the kitchen, only to find Azriel already seating there with Elain, both of them laughing.  
“Cassian, what brings you here?” asked his friend.  
“Nothing, I was ready to come home after some training when I decided to come have a coffee with you. But I see you’re already in good company, so I’m gonna go.”  
“Come on, take a seat,” smiled Elain, already standing up to serve him a cup of coffee.  
“I have to go prepare myself for work, please don’t scare Elain!”  
Laughing as he took the cup Elain was handing him, he sat down, making himself at ease. She did just the same, and he was about to tease her about Az when she cut him.  
“So, how was your training today? I hope your coach is still able to walk this time.”  
“How do you know what happened to my…” He started as the woman laughed, “Oh, so Az told you about that.”  
“I asked him why he hadn’t gone with you to train this afternoon, and he told me you seemed tensed, so it was better for him to just let you go train alone.”  
“It happened one time!”  
His outraged expression made Elain laughed even more, and he waited until Azriel reappeared in his black suit to throw his spoon at him.  
“Hey! What was that for?”   
“You’re still telling people about that training incident, they’re going to think I have anger issues and can’t control my strength.”  
“And throwing a spoon at me was the perfect way to prove me wrong I guess?” Asked Azriel, his brows high.  
Cassian opened his mouth but didn’t found anything to respond to that, so he just turned around and kept himself busy with his coffee as his friend took his jacket, putting it on.   
“I have to go, close the door when you leave!”  
“Sure,” answered Elain and Cassian together as Az waved goodbye to them, his eyes staying a few seconds too long on the Archeron sister.  
That look didn’t go unnoticed by Cassian, but he kept his mouth shut, at least until Az was gone.  
“So,” he started with a smirk.  
“So.”  
“He gave you his keys?”  
“He did,” she simply responded, a light blush on her face.  
Cassian’s smile widden as he nodded, finishing his coffee before standing up. Elain monitored his every move, which made him laugh, but he let her breath for a bit, doing the dishes for them both before holding himself against the threshold, his arms crossed, his mind racing to find a way to make the girl talk.  
“I saw you two the other night, you seemed… close.”  
“I don’t think you’ve seen anything, since you were dancing with Nesta,” replied Elain.  
“Nice try, but I’ve been playing this game way before you.”  
It was Elain’s turn to smile as she got up, and even if she hadn’t her sisters’ confidence or boldness, she still had that Archeron presence.  
“Why don’t we go to the couch to talk, it’s been a while after all.”  
Cassian shrugged and followed her, letting himself flop next to her. They stared at each other for a moment, and he lifted his chin, amused by his friend’s attitude. People tended to think Elain was a poor little girl, but under that fragile surface was an Archeron, and anyone who thought an Archeron defenseless was doomed.  
“How things are going with Nesta? I heard you made some progress.”  
“I’m not going to tell you anything about Nesta if you don’t speak about Az, and you know it,” he countered.  
“I talk about Azriel, and you talk about Nesta, deal?”  
Cassian nodded, enjoying his time with Elain. People didn’t understand how they could be friends, he seemed too blunt and her too shy for a friendship to work between them, but it worked, and she was the one he usually turned to when it came to serious conversations.  
“Alright, what do you want to know?”  
“How do you feel about Az? You two have been pretty close recently, and I can tell you’re crushing on him.”  
Elain pushed him gently, making him laugh, and she took her time to think about what to say. There were a lot of emotions in her eyes when she looked back at him, sighing and nibbling at her lips.  
“Az is… He’s perfect, he’s everything I ever wanted.”  
“But?” Cassian gently pushed.  
“It’s just that I don’t know if he’s ready for a relationship, and I’m not sure I am after how my last relationship ended.”   
“Hey,” he whispered, putting an arm around her, “my brother is ready, and he’s patient, so if you need time he’s going to wait for you, don’t worry.”  
And to make sure she’d feel better, he kissed her forehead, squeezing her in his arms until she let out a laugh. She then turned her head to him and he knew his time had come.  
“I talked about Azriel, it’s time for you to talk about Nesta,” she told him with a small smile.  
“Nesta is Nesta,” he shrugged, “we’ve always been this way, pushing and pulling the other. She just have that thing in her that makes it impossible for me to stay away. I wish things were easier between us, just like you and Az, or even better, just like Rhys and Feyre.”  
“But you wouldn’t be so interested by my sister if things were easier, would you? It’s exactly why you’re attracted by her, because she’s not easy to get.”  
“That’s what I thought when I first saw her when she came back after college, but there’s something more, something I can’t really explain that pulls me toward her...” Cassian trailed off, the face of a certain woman with blue-grey eyes on his mind.


	4. Chapter Four

“Thank you for your help, I’ve been searching for this book on my own for half an hour now.”  
“No problem,” answered Nesta, standing up from her desk. “You should have come to me sooner, you wouldn’t have lost so much time.”  
The girl in front of her served her a sheepish smile as her eyes darted to her hands, her cheeks turning red.  
“You seemed pretty busy working on your computer, I didn’t want to bother you.”  
“Helping people is also my job,” she said with a quick smile as she started to walk through the aisles of bookshelves.  
Nesta kept searching for the book the student had asked her for a moment, the marketing area not being the one she knew best in the library. She asked the title twice, but never found it, which was becoming irritating for her.   
This was her place, and this was her thing. Why couldn’t she find that book?  
Putting a hand on a bookshelf to calm down, she started to think on a way to find it. There was something bothering her, she couldn’t remember any book with the title and the author she had been given.  
“It must be here, I’m sure it’s on that bookshelf,” she muttered to herself before turning toward the student. “I’m going to check on my computer, I’ll be back in a minute.”  
The girl nodded with a smile as Nesta turned around and walked to her desk. Emerie had taken her day off, so she was alone today, and even if she hated to admit it, she could’ve used some help. It’d been half an hour since the library had opened, and it was already crowded, finals becoming a reality for everyone.  
Approaching the entry hall where her desk was, she spotted a tall, large silhouette she could’ve recognized anywhere.  
“You’d better not touch this coffee Cassian,” she said, seeing him with a hand around the cup, “or I’ll have to do something quite painful to you.”  
“Nesta, it’s always a pleasure,” he smiled.  
That smile.   
That genuine smile he always gave her, that made her stop mentally for a second.  
“What are you doing here? I didn’t know you even knew where the library was.”  
“I’m bringing you your morning coffee,” Cassian responded, taking the cup and handing it to her.  
Nesta took a second to register what he was saying, her eyes moving between his face and the cup.  
“Nice try, but that’s not going to work.”  
“It’s been working quite well until today,” he countered, his hand still outstretched.  
Taking the coffee with a frown on her face that made him smile even more, Nesta stared at him, trying to understand.  
“You can’t be serious,” she whispered.  
“Oh, I am.”  
“If it’s you, then you’ve been coming here every morning for...”  
“Three months, I know,” he finished for her.  
Arcing a brow, she took a sip from the cup, the taste being the same as usual. It had to be a joke, Cassian couldn’t be the one bringing her a coffee everyday…  
Moving behind her desk to do some research about the mysterious book, her eyes only left Cassian’s form for a heartbeat.  
“I have someone to help,” she quickly said, already moving with a paper in her hand, “but this conversation isn’t over, don’t move.”  
“Of course,” he laughed, and she went back to her student.  
It took her a few seconds to find the book after checking her paper. The girl didn’t have the author’s name correct, which explained why they hadn’t been able to find her that precious book. She thanked Nesta for her help before going back to her studies, and the librarian walked back to Cassian, her mind racing with the informations.  
“Alright,” she started, crossing her arms as she leaned against her desk, “I think you owe me some explanations.”  
“Explanations? For being a nice man and making sure you’re well awake and ready for your day?”  
“How did you manage to come every morning without being caught once?”  
“I watched you, learned your little routine and time schedule,” he murmured with a content smile on his face.  
Cassian took a step toward her, then another, towering her, his scent wrapping around her. His eyes were shining with amusement as he was watching her.  
“All I had to do was get in, set the coffee on your desk and disappear, easy.”  
“So you’re saying you came here every morning for three months only to give me a coffee?” She asked.  
“Sorry to disappoint you Nes, but you weren’t the only reason I came here.”  
“You’re going to tell me you actually came here for the books?”  
“I can’t tell you, it’s a secret,” he murmured, his hands in his pocket, his face so close to hers she could feel his breath against her cheek.  
Her eyes darted on his lips for a second before returning to his eyes, catching him doing the same thing.  
“I’ll see you later,” he laughed as he took a step back, “Have a nice day, and you’re welcome for the coffee.”  
He winked at her before walking away, leaving her a bit confused with her books on her desk and her coffee on her hand.

Lunch time came rather quickly, and Cassian hadn’t reappeared since their morning encountering. Nesta quickly checked all the library before closing it, but she didn’t find him anywhere, which meant he had managed to get out without her seeing him.   
“How can he do that?” She asked herself as she put her keys on her bag.  
She had just made it to her car when her phone buzzed.  
 _“I’m waiting for you at our usual place, please come quick, I’m starving!”_  
Smiling at her phone, Nesta tapped something to Elain before climbing into her car.  
Seeing Nesta relaxed, with a smile on her face was something pretty rare, but when it came to Elain, things were different. She never had her guard up with her sister, had never felt the need to protect herself from her.  
“Hey, I was beginning to think you’d never come,” smiled Elain when she arrived on the terrace.  
Nesta hugged her quickly before settling down on her chair. “I had a lot to do at the library.”  
“How are things at work?”  
“It’s okay, there’s a lot of students coming to work on their finals.”  
“Can you feel their stress increasing everyday passing?” Laughed her sister.  
“It’s reeking fear now.”  
She checked the menu, as if she wouldn’t take the same as always. Elain let her laugh from what her sister had just said die and did the same before quickly closing it, playing with the little flowers on their table. This restaurant was her favorite in all Velaris, which was why they would often eat here when Elain had some time between two classes. There were flowers everywhere, and even if the restaurant was in the city center, there wasn’t too much noise. Everything here was calm and gentle, exactly like Elain, and she seemed at home when they were here.  
“How was your morning?” Nesta asked after the waiter took their orders.  
“It was fine, I only had two classes, and I’ll only have one this afternoon.”  
“How many days until your finals begin?”  
“I have a month, I still have plenty of time to work on them.”  
“Have you seen Feyre? She wasn’t up when I left to work this morning.”  
Elain’s cheeks turned red at her question, and Nesta immediately suspected something. She squinted her eyes and straightened up on her chair, waiting for her sister to talk. She tried her best to play it cool, looking everywhere but at Nesta, thanking the waiter as their plates arrived.  
“You,” started Nesta once the waiter was gone, “know something, and you’re hiding it from me.”  
“I know you’re not gonna like it if I tell you.”  
“Well, the more you make me wait, the angrier I’ll get I guess,” she countered, her eyes never leaving her sister.  
Sighing as she put her fork down, Elain finally met her gaze, and if Nesta didn’t know better, she could’ve thought there was fear in her eyes.  
“Feyre didn’t spend the night at home,” she let out, taking a sip on her glass.  
“What do you mean-”  
“She was with Rhysand and it was late, so she stayed there with him.”  
Nesta inhaled sharply at that and put her cutlery on the table, staring at her salad before looking up.  
“We talked about that already, and she was supposed to text one of us if she didn’t come home. We also agreed that she wouldn’t stay there during her finals so she would stay focus.”  
“Don’t worry,” tempered Elain with a small smile, “Rhysand makes sure she’s working on her classes when she’s at his apartment.”  
“We both know Feyre, and this isn’t the best way for her to work and get her degree...”  
“She’s doing great in her classes, don’t be like that Nesta. And I saw her on her way to her drawing class this morning, so she’s still being serious.”  
Staring at her sister, debating with herself, Nesta finally let out a breath, holding her hands up in surrender.  
“Alright, I’ll leave her be. But if she fails and doesn’t get her degree, I’ll take care of Rhysand personally.”  
“I’m sure this won’t be necessary,” laughed Elain. “Oh and Feyre won’t be there tonight, Rhys promised her a diner for all the work she did for school.”  
“How do you know?” Nesta frowned.  
“I was running late this morning, and Azriel saw me running and drove me so I’d arrived on time for my first class. We talked and he told me Rhys had said he would take Feyre out tonight.”  
She studied Elain for a moment, noting the way her sister was slightly blushing, as always when she mentioned Azriel. Those two had always gotten along well and were good friends, but lately things were starting to change, even if both of them were trying to tell the others it wasn’t true.  
Elain continued to talk, mentioning how she had talked with Azriel about everything and nothing, but when she finally noticed that Nesta was listening quietly, a small smile on her face, she stopped and started to move nervously on her chair.  
“What?” She asked as her eyes met Nesta’s.  
“Oh, nothing. I just think you’re talking a lot about Azriel these days.”  
“So you’re going to start doing the same as the others? Tell me I should go and confess my feelings to him?”  
“Is that what you want to do? Do you have feelings for Azriel?”  
Nesta’s tone had grown serious now, as always as she was talking about her sisters’ love life. Feyre and Elain hadn’t had a lot of chance with their previous boyfriends, which was something Nesta took personally. She was their older sister, she should’ve warned them, should’ve done something more to prevent things to happen.  
She had let things happen once, she wouldn’t let her sister get heartbroken twice.  
“I do, and I’d like to talk about that with him, but… What if he doesn’t love me like I love him?”  
“Azriel is in love with you that’s for sure, his face lights up every time you walk near him, and chances are he’s waiting for you to make the first move.”  
“So what do you think I should do?”  
“I think,” started Nesta as her hand reached for Elain’s in an attempt to calm her nerves, “that you should do what makes you happy.”  
Elain smiled to her and squeezed her hand in response, the light in her eyes making Nesta smile despite herself.  
“Now I understand what was saying Cassian,” Elain whispered before starting to eat again.  
“You spoke with Cassian?”  
“He came to see Azriel the other day, and we spent some time together.”  
“I didn’t know you two were friends,” said Nesta with an arched brow.  
“He was a great support when you were away at university, and I discovered he was a good listener and adviser during this time.”  
Something softened inside Nesta against her will at this. Knowing Cassian had been there for Elain, that he had taken time to listen to her and talk with her, it made it harder to hate him.  
“Anyway, we’ve talked about me for long enough, it’s your turn!”  
“And what do you want me to talk about?”  
“I don’t know, how’s been life for you these days?”  
“Everything’s been good, I’ve been pretty busy at work, but it’s fine.”  
“How’s your love life?”  
Nesta instantly stopped talking, staring at her sister. It was pretty unusual for Elain to talk about that with her, she knew better than to push her on that topic.  
Straightening her position on her chair, she looked down at her plate and played a bit with her food, sighing.  
“Why do you ask that?” She asked, her tone colder than a few seconds before.  
“To talk,” smiled Elain, stretching a hand toward her sister.  
Nesta withdrew her hands under the table, clearing her throat as she looked up. Her eyes were cold, distant somehow.  
“I’m single, and I’m not looking for anyone. I don’t even see the point of talking about that.”  
“Alright, alright,” Elain responded, her hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want you to find someone to be happy with.”  
“I am enough for myself,” she retaliated, “I can do what I want when I want to without having anyone trying to tell me otherwise. Feyre already tried to talk to me about that, and you two need to calm down. Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean I have to be too.”  
“Don’t be mad at us for wanting you to share the same type of happiness we’re experiencing.”  
“I’m not mad.”  
“Really? Because that frown on your face tells me otherwise.”  
Despite herself, Nesta let out a small laugh. She could never be mad at Elain for long, she was her weak spot.  
“Let’s talk about something else,” she brushed off, “like your biology test.”  
Elain made a face and Nesta smiled as she started to complain about her classes. The rest of their meal was nice, the sisters talking together about everything and nothing, enjoying their time together. It was these small moments that made Nesta forget about everything else in her life, her father, work, Tomas. She didn’t let it show on daily basis, but her sisters were one of the few things that made her go through rough days, and even if it could be difficult sometimes, she’d go down swinging for them.

 

Closing the door and taking off her shoes, Nesta took in the silent room, walking further.   
A note was waiting for her on the table, a flower put on top of it.  
 _“Azriel invited me to the restaurant, enjoy your evening!”_  
Smiling at the thought of having some time alone, Nesta went upstairs, taking her sweet time to shower and change into something comfortable. Going back downstairs, she turned the TV on and walked to the kitchen. She was looking for something to eat when someone knocked on the door.  
And here he was, standing in front of the door, two bags in the hands, a smile on the face.  
“Cassian? What are you doing here?” She asked, a hand still on the handle.  
“I told you we’d see each other later this morning, no?” He said, keeping his enerving smile on his lips.  
“What’s your plan now? You’re going to follow me everywhere?”  
“Would you accept that connection we have if I did so?” Cassian retaliated, taking a step closer.  
Nesta rolled her eyes and sighed, standing still. She wouldn’t let him get the satisfaction of having her screaming or insulting him.  
“What are you doing here?” She asked instead.  
“I was going home from the gym, and I thought it’d be nice to end the day with some nice compagny. I took the time to bring Italian food with me.”  
Cassian held the bags in front of her, arching a brow as she stood there, weighing up the pros and cons to let him in.  
“Come on Ness, you know I don’t bite,” he murmured, “unless you ask me to.”  
“You’re lucky I’m hungry,” she rumbled as she took a step aside, letting him in.  
He let out a laugh as she closed the door, walking directly to the kitchen to put the bags down. She followed in silence, helping him with the boxes, her eyes catching his on her with a small smile from time to time.  
She tried to stay silent, focusing herself on preparing her tray, but there was always some kind of weight on her, she could feel him observing her every move.  
“What?” She let out, looking straight up at him in exasperation.  
“I just thought you looked cute dressed like that.”  
“I’d planned to spend the night alone.”  
“I can go if you want.”  
“As long as I have the food, I don’t mind,” she shrugged, making him laugh once again.  
“I was serious though,” he said once he was calm, finishing his own tray, “you look cute like that, it changes from your daily outfits, even if you’re beautiful too when you’re dressed up.”  
That comment made her blush, and she stayed silent, not knowing how to deal with it. She could handle a playful, flirty remark from him, but a serious compliment, it was something else. It was always harder to know how to react when he was seriously talking to her, it made her feel… things she didn’t want to.   
Cassian was a walking danger for her, but somehow, he was a danger she couldn’t resist.  
“And look what I brought just for you,” he smiled, taking out a box from the bag, “Chocolate tiramisu, your favorite.”  
He pushed the pastry on her side, and she took it with a small smile that didn’t go unnoticed by Cassian.  
“How do you know all of this about me? How I like my coffee, my favorite food, my favorite dessert?”  
“I pay attention I guess,” he shrugged, looking down. “And I remember things. I saw you adding sugar in your coffee every time we were together with the others, so I knew you liked it that way. And for Italian food, I have to thank Elain, she told me it was your favorite one day when we were talking. You also mentioned that chocolate tiramisu was your favorite during a diner with everyone.”  
Stunned by what he had just said, Nesta stood still, her hands frozen on the counter. Her eyes were glued on the box as her mind was racing, searching for the meaning of all of this.   
The questions were burning her mouth, but before she could say anything, Cassian took both of their tray and went to the living room, putting them on the table in front of the couch before taking a seat. She followed his every move without blinking once, standing in front of the counter until he called her name.  
“Nesta, is everything fine?”  
Hearing his voice made her reconnect with reality, and she took some time to breathe and recompose herself before she joined him on the couch, ignoring his look.  
“Are you okay?” He asked again when she stayed silent and started to organize things meticulously on her tray.   
“I’m fine Cassian, stop asking me that and choose something to watch,” she retaliated.  
“So we’re watching TV and eating together?”  
“Don’t get any ideas, I just know you will be insufferable if I choose what we’re watching, and I’m too tired to pick a fight. Now choose something and eat.”  
After a few moments of channel hopping, Cassian stopped on a game show, making Nesta complain a bit before they started to play together. Time passed by without neither of them noticing, and they continue their discussion long after the game was over.   
Things strangely felt… normal. Nesta didn’t know what to make with this feeling, she didn’t know what to think about it. All she knew was that she didn’t want it to stop.   
“Alright, you won,” smiled Cassian as he sprawled on the couch.  
“As if it could’ve been another way.”  
Cassian scoffed at her, looking sideways at her satisfied smile. Something passed in his eyes, but before she could register what it was he stretched out a hand to her hair, his fingers playing with it.  
“I love spending time with you like that,” he whispered, his tone suddenly serious.  
Nesta locked eyes with him, lips slightly parted even if nothing could come out of her mouth. He kept fiddling with her hair as his eyes darted on her lips, making him take a sharp inhale.  
“I should probably...”  
“Maybe we could...”  
Both of them straightened up, looking at each other, waiting for the other to finish their sentence.  
“Well, I can’t accept that you have such poor cinematographic knowledge,” started Nesta while taking the remote, “so what about we watch something worth it?”  
Cassian’s expression soften as he relaxed, taking the plaid behind him and throwing it on him, coming slightly closer to Nesta in the process.  
“I guess I don’t have a choice then, so let’s watch your movie.”  
“You’ll thank me for this.”  
“Oh, I’m sure I will,” he smiled as Nesta pressed the play button.  
They stayed quiet, sitting together on the couch in some sort of comfortable silence. Nesta didn’t dare look at Cassian during the first half of the movie, images from what had happened sooner playing in her head in loop. What had happened exactly? What did it mean?   
_“It was probably nothing,”_ she tried to tell herself, even if she knew it wasn’t true.  
She was starting to relax when something weighed on her shoulder. Managing her surprise, she slowly turned her head to find Cassian leaning on her side, his eyes closed, his breathing slow.  
Nesta lift a hand to push him away, but she suspended her move as Cassian snuggled against her, making a small noise, throwing an arm around her.  
Frozen by their closeness, she let her hand down slowly, her fingers caressing the skin of his arm absent-mindlessly, her attention fully turned on his face.  
His features were still strong and sharp, but he somewhat looked gentler. Gone were the smirk and the arched brows, he didn’t look like the flirty, cocky man she was used to see.  
Cassian looked vulnerable sleeping against her, and it made her heart skip a beat.


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up the next morning, Nesta found herself on the couch, covered by a plaid.

Taking a few seconds to properly open her eyes, she inhaled deeply, frowning at the scent wrapped around her.

Cassian’s scent.

Something woody, a bit spicy but not too much, heavy and powerful, but not suffocating. Undeniably musky, soothing, and tempting.

Cassian’s scent was all around her, but she was alone in the living room. Once again, he had managed to disappear without her knowing.

She took another breath, filling up her lungs with his perfume before straightening up on the couch, stretching out. Before her on the small table, half hidden under her phone, was a small piece of paper.

_“Thank you for the evening, I loved spending time with you.”_

And maybe it was stupid, it was only a few words, probably written quickly before he went away, and surely it meant nothing for him, but she smiled. Like some brainless girl, she smiled holding the note, unable to take her eyes away for a moment.

Last night had been… It had been surprisingly nice. She’d never thought Cassian would be the type to stay in and watch TV under a cover, and spending time with him had been… pleasant.

Standing up, she kept the plaid on her shoulders on her way to her room, dropping it on her bed before rushing to the shower, noticing what time it was.

By the time she was ready, Elain was already up. Running down the stairs, Nesta found her eating peacefully, a box ready on the table for her.

“Good morning!” She offered with her usual smile.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have time to take the breakfast with you, I’m late.”

“I figured, that’s why I packed you something to eat at work.”

Sighing contently, Nesta took the box her sister was handing her and offered her a thankful smile, ready to go.

“How was your evening with Cassian?” Elain asked suddenly.

Stopping abruptly as she had turned and walked to the front door, Nesta turned over, a frown on her face.

“How do you even…”, she started as Elain laughed.

She narrowed her eyes and was about to drop her bag to talk with her, but a quick look on her watch reminded her she was late for work, and she cursed under her breath.

“You’re lucky I don’t have time this morning,” she said as she walked to the door, “but we’ll talk about that later!”

Running to her car, Nesta drove as quickly as she could, barely making it on time. She had to take her breath from the little run she’d done from the parking lot to the door of the library, looking over her shoulder to make sure that no one had seen her.

It didn’t took long before people started to come, launching her day.

It also didn’t took long for someone in particular to come at her desk, his footstep slow, confident. She didn’t even have to look up to know it was him.

“Good morning sweetheart, hope you slept well.”

The smell of coffee soon came to her as he put her usual cup on her desk. Grabbing it without a look, she sipped from it, sighing discreetly from the taste of it. She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but this coffee was literally her morning savior.

“Thank you,” was all she answered.

Cassian waited a few more seconds, laughing and smiling as usually, but she kept her eyes focused on her computer screen, checking the books return and other things, ignoring him.

“Alright, time for me to go, see you soon Archeron,” he winked, finally walking away.

Glancing up to see him disappear as he turned around between two bookshelves, Nesta took another sip of her coffee, memories from their evening coming back in her head without her being able to stop them.

As she held out her hand to throw away her cup some time later, she noticed something different from usual. She could recognize his handwriting.

_“From your one and only, Mr.Cassian.”_

Letting out a small laugh, she dropped the cup in the trash and went back to work.

It was about an hour later, when she stood up from her desk for the first time this morning, that she saw him again.

Walking between the aisles of the library with her trolley, she stopped at the end of a bookshelf and took a couple of books in her arms to put them back in their places. She was almost done when she heard a light laugh and some sounds of conversation, followed by more laughs. Intrigued, Nesta turned from the bookshelf and walked toward the noise.

She didn’t expect what she saw.

“But why is he doing this?” A child asked.

“Because he’s in love with the girl, that’s why,” Cassian answered, a book on his laps.

A few others kids laughed at that, all gathered around him. They were all sitting on the floor, the teacher on a corner with her own book, glancing from it from time to time to make sure the children behaved.

“Why doesn’t he just tell her he loves her?”

“Well, it’s something we’ll learn next week!”

A massive wave of complains started as he closed the book, smiling to them as their teacher stood up.

“But we want to know what he’s going to do!”

“One more chapter, please Cassian!”

“You all have other things waiting for you at school, and our hour has passed. It’s time for you and me to go back to work,” he smiled.

A little boy jumped on his back as he was about to stand up, making Cassian laugh as he grabbed his legs to secure him, playing with the child for a few before letting him down. The teacher came and scolded the little boy for his attitude, but Cassian winked at him and reassured the woman everything was fine.

Nesta leaned against the bookshelf and crossed her arms, staring at the adorable show, a faint smile on her lips.

As the children were gathering on the side, their teacher counting them, a girl rushed to Cassian, tugging at his hand to get his attention.

“What is it?” He asked gently.

The little girl’s cheeks turned red as she handed him a piece of paper, and he squatted down to unfold it.

“Is it for me?” He asked, still smiling as he looked at her after looking at her drawing.

The child nodded and Cassian’s smile widened as he thanked her, giving her his hand to hold as he got her back with the others.

Once the children were all lined up, the teacher shook his hand and they all walked away from the little space dedicated to group reading, some children waving to Cassian who waved back.

Nesta tried her best to suppress that warm feeling inside her chest, but seeing him with children was just heart-melting.

Finally turning toward her, his eyes caught hers. She straightened up as he came closer, erasing the emotions from her face.

“I didn’t know you were in charge of the reading program,” she said before he could open his mouth.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he smirked.

She rolled her eyes and turned her back to him, going back to her trolley, but he followed her.

“Seems like the children like you,” she simply added, putting the book she had between her hands on the bookshelf.

“You sound surprised by that.”

“I’d never seen you in that kind of situation before,” she retaliated.

“If you’d give me a chance, maybe you’d see me for who I really am.”

Turning her face to him, she arched a brow, though what he’d just said stayed on her mind. He didn’t say a word as he handed her a book from the trolley, that annoying smile still on his face.

They worked in silence for a bit, him handing her the book, moving the trolley and following her through the aisles. Even with her poker face, Nesta could feel he was seeing something every time his eyes laid on her, his smile turning somewhat gentler, and it frustrated her she had to admit. Covering her emotions had always been something she’d taken pride on, but with Cassian, things weren’t so… easy.

“I’m curious though,” he finally let out as they moved to another aisle in the corner of the library, “how could you ignore I was involved in this reading program?”

“I didn’t know, that’s all.”

“But you’re the one ruling this place, so you must’ve seen my name on the contract,” he countered.

“I’m not the only one working here, Emerie must’ve been the one signing. Obviously I wouldn’t have accepted you for it.”

“And why wouldn’t you?” Cassian asked, leaning on the bookshelf as she climbed on a ladder to put back a book on the highest shelf.

Staring him down from where she stood, she gave him a disapproving look as she caught him glaze at her body with an approving nod.

“I wouldn’t have let a womanizer like you approach children.”

He barked a laugh, and Nesta hushed him as she passed next to him.

“So that’s all I am to you? A womanizer?”

“That’s all you are,” she responded.

“Hey.”

The warmth of his hand on her skin made her freeze, and she slowly turned around. His hand went from her elbow to her arm, his touch light as a feather, which amazed her considering Cassian’s stature. With his other hand he moved her chin up, making her look at him in the eyes before moving a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her jaw.

“Is that really what you think about me?” He murmured, his breath caressing her skin.

“Why do you care about what I think of you?” She said, though her tone wasn’t as harsh as usual.

“Because I care about you.”

Once again, she found herself at loss of words. This was something that occurred far too often with Cassian, which was incredibly infuriating for her. When he was so close, his scent surrounding her, his hands on her, his eyes searching for an unspoken answer in her eyes, trying to read her, she couldn’t find it in herself to do anything.

“Nesta…,” he whispered, as if tasting her name on his tongue.

His thumb softly stroke her lower lip, and she jolted out of his embrace, abruptly taking a step back. On her rush she tripped on herself, and she would’ve crashed on the floor if Cassian hadn’t caught her.

But suddenly, she found it hard to breath. She could feel the panic rising inside, and it increased as Cassian brought her up on her feet and closer to him. The tightness of his grip on her arm, the closeness, the small space, it was all too much.

“Nes, is everything alright?” He asked, concerned by her sudden change.

“Why are you doing this to me? Being nice and flirty all the time, always coming close to me and finding a way to touch me? Don’t you have enough fun with all the girls from the clubs you go to? Aren’t they entertaining enough?”

“Nesta it’s not…”

“Is this all a game for you? Am I a freaking challenge you want to complete before you go for another one?”

“No, of course not!” Cassian defended himself, trying to catch her hand.

“Get away from me!”

She looked panicked with her wild eyes and ragged breath, and he had the feeling something was not right, but she wouldn’t listen to him now.

“Are you okay?” He asked, keeping his voice low, a frown on his face.

“I’m perfectly fine, now get out of here Cassian.”

He stayed still for a moment, staring at her, trying to understand how could things have turned this way. Even when she’d walked out of his embrace the last time they had danced together, she hadn’t reacted as violently, and it was frustrating for him to feel something was clearly off without being able to do a thing about it. He wanted to understand, to help her, and more than anything, Cassian wanted Nesta to feel comfortable and safe around him, which never seemed to be the case lately.

“Alright, I’m just gonna go back to my stuff,” he let out, taking a step back.

Nesta didn’t such as blinked as he moved past her, her back stiff and her face so hard she looked like a marble statue.

Cassian stopped at the end of the aisle, opening his mouth to tell her something, but decided otherwise once his eyes caught her cold glance. Lowering his head, he simply disappeared from her sight, and she let out a shaking breath after a few seconds, her hand on the bookshelf as she tried to regain some balance.

Cursing under her breath, she curled her fists, trying her best not to punch at something, containing her explosion. Once again, she’d let her fear win.

Why couldn’t she stand being touched? Why couldn’t she find it in her to open up and trust others? Why couldn’t she be normal?

Turning to her trolley, she finished to put the books away on their bookshelves, images of Cassian with the children, then so close to her running in her head over and over again.

Her heart had just calmed down when a pair of arms encircled her waist, caging her.

“What the hell are you doing Cassian, I told you to-”

“Cassian? It’s Tomas.”

Nesta’s hands froze the moment his voice came to her hear, and her throat went dry, panic rushing once again over her.

It took her a couple more seconds to register who was actually holding her, and she started to move twice as much, trying to get rid of him. She could only manage to turn and face him, and anger waved through her as she saw his smirk, his arms tightening around her.

“Easy Nesta, you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep gesticulating like that,” he murmured, his face way too close for her liking.

She struggled more, pushing against Tomas’ chest, but it didn’t have any effect, if only making her angrier and making him laugh a bit more.

“I was worried about you,” he continued as if everything was fine, “you never replied to my text, and I thought something had happened to you.”

“Let me go.”

“I can’t love,” he answered with a honeyed voice, “I missed having you in my arms so much.”

Nesta tried to push him away once again, slamming her fists into his chest, but nothing seemed to work, and she started to have trouble thinking logically.

“I missed your stormy temper too you know,” he laughed, “but not as much as your perfume.”

One of Tomas’ hand slid on her lower back, making her heart race in her chest. His other hand found its way to the back of her neck, his fingers curling on her hair, forcing her to move her head to give him access. Nesta stayed paralyzed, unable to say a thing. All she could do was shiver when she heard Tomas inhale, disgust filling her as she curled her fists against him, trying once more to break free, in vain.

Checking the surroundings and finding out they were alone in the corner of the library, Tomas smirked, and something in the way he looked at her made her still completely.

“But what I missed the most about you was your lips.”

Bending over, slowly approaching her face as he licked his lips, he didn’t see her hand coming.

She hit him with all she had, the slap echoing in the empty aisle.

Tomas’ grasp loosened on her, and Nesta didn’t miss the opportunity, taking a few steps back, ready to hit him again if needed. Holding his jaw, he glared at her, his look darkening. He didn’t seem to have change a bit since she had left.

“Oh Nesta, you shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t move, or I’ll-”

“You what?” He spited, taking a step closer, “You’re going to call that guy you thought I was? Cassian? Look at yourself Nesta, messing around with someone else, you little whore.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that,” she retaliated, “I left you, I can do whatever I want and you don’t have a word to say about it.”

“Of course I do! You’re mine, and nothing you can say will change that.”

“I’m not your property Tomas, I’m not something you can possess.”

Her voice was hard and cold as she was gaining more control on herself every second passing. Memories from when they had been together ran in her mind, and she couldn’t understand why she had let him destroy her like he had.

“Now get out of my library. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

Pure rage was glimmering into Tomas’ eyes, and for a moment Nesta thought he’d try something. Straightening her position, she held her chin high, meeting his glare, not letting her fear show. She didn’t know how much time it lasted until he finally started to back away, walking backwards until he reached the end of the aisle. He stopped for a second, looking at her from head to toes, before he finally disappeared from her sight.

Nesta didn’t move, her back still straight and fists trembling at her sides. She felt strange, as if she wasn’t completely here anymore, her mind floating somewhere else.

Snapping back into reality, she rushed to her trolley, looking everywhere to make sure Tomas was gone. She held the trolley so tightly her joints were white as she went back to her desk, letting a discreet sigh of relief when she found herself with light and space around her.

“Didn’t know you were that slow to put books back into their bookshelves,” teased Emerie, her back turned on her as she was filling some paper.

“I’m going home.”

“What?”

Immediately turning around, Emerie’s face hardened by what she saw. Nesta packed her things and caught her car keys without a word, not bothering to explain herself as she walked out of the library, ignoring her friend’s call.

 

Closing his books after a few hours of work, Cassian stood up, looking around. After what had happened with Nesta, he had decided to give her some space and not come at her for lunch. It was now the end of the afternoon, and he hadn’t seen her anywhere.

Still concerned by the way she had reacted earlier, he wandered through the library, expecting her to be somewhere with a student, helping them to find some books or walking with her trolley.

After searching everywhere he could think of and still not finding her, he decided to go to the front desk.

“Excuse me, I’m searching for Nesta,” he started, his forearms against the desk.

“Oh, you must be Cassian.”

Frowning at the woman in front of him, Cassian looked around, trying to see if Nesta was there, making some signs to her colleague or something.

“I’m Emerie, a friend of Nesta. I’ve heard some things about you,” she continued with a sly smile on her face.

“Do you know where she is?”

That smile disappeared from her face, and the way she looked up at him made him stiffen.

“She took her day off, I don’t know why.”

“Did she… How was she?”

They stared at each other, gauging what they could give away concerning Nesta. Emerie sighed and put her chin on her hand, concern showing on her traits.

“She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t seemed to feel good. I don’t remember seeing her like that ever.”

“When did she left?”

“I don’t know, about an hour and half after she arrived.”

Cursing under his breath, Cassian nodded and took his keys out of his pocket, ready to go.

“I hope she didn’t run away because of you.”

A hand on the door, Cassian froze, his dark eyes turning toward the woman behind her desk. She didn’t even try to hide the threat behind her words, and he was glad Nesta had a friend like that.

“I hope so,” was all he said as he rushed out of the library.

 

Parking in front of the Archeron’s house, Cassian took a minute to breath, thinking of what had happened this morning, how Nesta had pushed him away.

Something was off, and he had to find out what.

Walking to the door, her adjusted his shirt and jacket, clearing his throat before knocking.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Cassian knocked a couple more time, but no one came. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he walked a few steps away and looked up, trying to see if there was anyone upstairs.

He was about to try to call Nesta when a noise caught his attention.

The front door opened, finally letting him see her.

“Hey,” he let out, coming closer.

Taken aback when he saw Nesta pushing the door as he approached, he held his hands up.

“Come on Nesta, I’m not gonna do anything to you, you know me.”

“I don’t.”

Tightening his jaw as he took her words straight in the face, Cassian let his hands fall on his sides, looking on the side of the house for a second before focusing on her again.

“I don’t understand what happened in the library this morning, but obviously it was important to you…”

“You don’t know a thing about me Cassian, so stop that now.”

“No.”

Arching a brow, Nesta crossed her arms on her chest. Her shoulders were tensed, he face hard as stone.

“Maybe we could go inside and sit to talk-”

“No.”

“Alright, then come with me outside, it’s warm and sunny, perfect for a little walk-”

“No.”

“So what Nesta? You really want us to talk under the porch, standing in the doorway?” Cassian retaliated, frustration starting to show.

“You’re the one who wanted to talk, I don’t have any interest in it. I told you everything I needed to earlier, I have nothing to add.”

“You didn’t give me a chance to defend myself, you just ran away!”

“And what can you say to prove me wrong Cassian? Do you think I’m dumb?” Nesta said back, taking a step forward, “I have ears, I can hear the comments the girls make every time Feyre drag me into that nightclub. Do you really think I’m stupid? That I don’t know you slept with half the city already?”

“So what?” Cassian exploded, not caring about the neighbors.

Nesta followed him on the porch, her temper matching his from her eyes were nothing but a blue gray storm. Neither of them paid attention to the people passing in the streets, or the car parking on the alley behind Nesta’s one.

“So what?” Nesta erupted, “How do you expect me to believe you when you tell me you care about me? All you do is charm you way between women’s thighs, and I’m not interested in that.”

“It’s not like that with you…”

She let out a humorless laugh, throwing her hands in the air.

“Oh come on, can’t you do better?”

“Nesta please, let me explain-”

“Don’t touch me!” she yelled, pushing his hand away roughly.

Feyre and Elain ran to the porch, immediately posting themselves on Nesta’s sides who was in a state of anger Cassian had never seen her in.

“I don’t care about you, I don’t want to have anything to do with you, you’re disgusting!” She continued as Elain tried to catch her attention.

“What’s happening?” Feyre asked him.

“I just-”

“I told you to get away from me, why can’t you just leave me alone!”

Turning to her sister, Feyre caught her wrists, murmuring soothing words as she tried to catch her eyes, in vain. Cassian didn’t know what to do, powerless before that hurtful spectacle.

“Take her inside,” ordered Feyre when Nesta stopped yelling, breathing heavily.

Her sister nodded and immediately dragged Nesta toward the door, talking to her, trying to calm her as best as she could. The door slammed as soon as they were inside.

“Alright, can you explain me what the hell was that?”

Looking at the youngest Archeron, Cassian took a minute to register what had just happened before walking to the wooden rail, leaning against it. He told Feyre everything about this morning, how concerned he had been when she had exploded.

“Something’s off with her, I’m afraid I did something wrong, but I don’t know what. One minute we’re talking and teasing each other, and the next she’s yelling at me and fleeing,” he finished, fiddling with his shirt, his head low.

“What were you doing before she pushed you away at the library?”

“We were talking.”

“Can you be more precise?” She asked.

Frowning at his friend, Cassian hesitated about telling her about their talk.

“Were you touching her when you talked to her?” Feyre pushed.

“Yes.”

Something shone on her eyes, understanding it seemed. He looked at her expectantly, but she shook her head, patting his shoulder.

“It’s okay, you’ve done nothing wrong. Give her some space and everything will be fine.”

“You’re not telling me everything, I can sense it.”

“It’s not my place to tell you that, just… be patient with her. I’ll call you,” she said, serving him a small smile before weaving him goodbye, going back inside the house.

Sitting in front of the porch, Cassian sighed heavily, letting his head fall between his hands. How could things have turned this way? Everything had been fine until that incident at the library…

 

Walking in the living room, Feyre found Elain pacing, her arms crossed around herself, chewing at her lips as always when she was worried.

“She went straight up to her room, I don’t know what’s happening,” she told her sister.

“I’m going to talk to her, don’t worry Elain.”

“I’m not sure she’ll open the door.”

“We’ll see.”

Leaving her sister, Feyre quickly climbed the stairs, going for the door at the end of the corridor. Gently knocking, she waited for an answer that never came. She tried once more, but no one seemed to move inside.

“Hey, can I come in?” Feyre asked softly, peering inside the room.

Nesta was seating near the window, a book on her lap, her eyes focused on the lines even if Feyre could tell she wasn’t reading. Her back was painfully straight, her face impassive, saved from a slight frown that betrayed the emotions battling beneath her skin.

“Can we talk?” Feyre pushed, sitting in front of her.

“I’m in no mood to talk right now.”

“Nesta, we-”

“Tomas came at the library.”

Feyre’s mouth fell open, her words lost with this sudden announcement. Slowly closing it, she took a minute to look outside, trying to stay calm, which had never been her strength.

“Did he try anything?”

“I said I don’t want to talk right now,” repeated Nesta, looking up her book.

“Alright, alright,” Feyre sighed, standing up. “Just know that you’re not alone, and if you ever want to talk about it, or about anything, I’m here for you.”

She waited by the doorstep, hoping her sister would open up and let her help her, or at least support her, but she went back to her book, completely ignoring her.

Nesta let out a long sigh as the door finally closed, silence surrounding her. She had enough of all of this, all she wanted was some peace, but things kept coming in her way, and this was too much.

Tomas was too much. Cassian was too much. The problems with their father was too much. Everything kept coming at her, smothering her until she lost herself, drowning in this pool of feelings and thoughts she never seemed able to express, and it kept eating her away.


End file.
